Holding back and letting go..

What do you do to something that has been holding you back?

You let go..

So don't ever blame anyone for something that you're not able to do because something has been holding you back, only because of the fact that you never let go..

Pater Hemon

Pater Hemon Oien tois ouranois
Hagias the to to anoma sou
Elthato he basileia sou
Genethetoto thelema sou os en ourano hai ephs ges ges
Ton arton hemon ton epiousion dos hemin
Kai aphes hemin. Ta opheilemata hemon os kai hemeis aphekamen tois opheletai
Kai me eisenegkes hemas eis pheirasmon
Alla rusai hemas anto ton ponerou

Taking chances

What are chances? Why do they keep talking about "taking chances"?

Can't help but notice that if someone wins the million dollar lottery on TV they would think "Gee, what are the chances I'd win that".

Then I think, for example: if you live in an apartment and it's midnight, then someone knocks on your door.

The chances of the person behind it is someone who's going to tell you you just won a million dollar is about the same as it is a murderer.

So, is it only about whether you would open the door or not (i.e. taking chances)?

If you say you would ask who is it first, that wouldn't be taking chances..

Medical Jargons

They always say that medical interview is an art. Well here's a thought..

Medical jargons are one of the things that we health-care providers must avoid while talking to our patients. They (our teachers) say that in order to get what the patients are really complaining about, we need to "stood down to their level".

All this time I have agreed to the above statement. I've been thinking about it these couple of days after hearing some of the "traditional jargons" of complaints that I knew nothing about. I know this might sound cocky, but don't you think it is the patients that should "stand up to our level"?

Hold your thoughts, I know you might be thinking that I'm such a prick, but take a minute and try to see it my way. While we keep "standing down to their level", doesn't that mean we're leaving them uneducated? What if every doctors take an extra minute in every medical interview to explain what their symptoms are called in the medical jargons? I believe the society would be (at least) a little bit smarter.

I keep saying that this country is not going so well in all fields because the people are dumb. Even more so, because we're doing practically nothing about it..

Our precious blood..

I personally don't like to write and express what I'm feeling to others. Not until I need to..

I never liked pediatrics, and am still struggling to find the likable things in every subdivision to make my study interesting. Sure, all the febrile convulsions and the CNS infections, acute diarrhea and acid-base imbalance, hemorrhagic fever and all the tropical infections. But hematology? It sure was one thing that I thought would never caught my attention.

Until one jam-packed night shift, when I met this thalassemia patient. Fourteen years old, notable Cooley face, pale and powerless, bulging rock-hard abdomen of severe hepatosplenomegaly (11cm/6cm palpable liver, Schuffner 5), waiting for a pack of PRC since 11AM that morning (it was around 7PM). Nothing special, until the blood was administered. So he suffered from a mild allergic reaction, lightheadedness, malaise, itching all over the body, uncomfortable for him but not life-threatening.

Then, his 11-year old little brother (who was almost bigger than him) came and rub him on the forehead, fanning him with a stack of paper, calming his older brother. Such simple gesture, as silent as an owl's flight in the hectic emergency department, the kind of body language that speaks louder than 1000 lines of "everything's gonna be alright".

Long story short, the first pack is administered, so the rest of the packs (3 more packs) was going to be administered the day after at the outpatient clinic. Then, they actually asked the doctors for the permission to sleep on the floor outside the emergency room, to just wait until tomorrow when the outpatient clinic's opened in the morning. So the whole family slept the night through, on the floor outside the emergency room, beneath the green chairs.

It was later until I know that this kind of event is somewhat a luxury among thalassemia patients. All other less-fortunate patients just sleep alongside the river near our beloved hospital, the whole family, on a several cardboard boxes, just to wait for the working hours to restart, and it's blood transfusion with all the risks all over again. (end of story)

Our erythrocytes' life span is around 4 months, actively reproduced as we never realized it. They need a pack every 21-35 days. A bottle of You C 1000 is just 3 gulps of refreshing drink for us. It's lethal for them. We would go mad if one of our weekends is disrupted with a 12-hours night shift. They need at least a day off every month for blood transfusions. We complain for every protruding spring on our spring beds. They would be thankful for a couple of cardboard boxes from a nearby kiosk. We would be thankful to live in our 70s. They would be grateful to live in their 20s.

Don't tell me it's not your problem.

I'm a blood-type O, the so-called universal donor.

The way I see it,

maybe this blood isn't mine to keep..

Why?

Why does it hurt so much when something's taken away from you and you couldn't do anything about it?

Not to mention the cold, crushing pain in your chest when you're reminded of it..

I shall someday invent the art of brain-washing and I'll wash mine clean.