Brick

6 am day after Christmas
I throw some clothes on in the dark
The smell of cold
Car seat is freezing
The world is sleeping
I am numb

Up the stairs to her apartment
She is balled up on the couch
Her mom and dad went down to Charlotte
they're not home to find us out
And we drive

Now that I have found someone
I'm feeling more alone
Than I ever have before
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

they call her name at 7:30
I pace around the parking lot
then I walk down to buy her flowers
And sell some gifts that I got
Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for
Now she's feeling more alone
Then she ever has before

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

As weeks went by
It showed that she was not fine
They told me son it's time to tell the truth
She broke down and I broke down
Cause I was tired of lying

Driving back to her apartment
For the moment we're alone
She's alone
I'm alone
Now I know it

~ Ben Folds Five

the small and locked room

imagine you're sitting in a room, locked from the outside..

nothing there on the floor, only a window to the outside world with nothing covering the sunlight from piercing in. it was not at night, but somehow it was dimly lit..

then you sit there with your back on one side of the wall, not on the corner.. you put your feet so that the sunlight would hit you.. and you have come to learned that you get that warmth on your feet for only 15 minutes everyday..

strange, you never feel hungry nor thirst now.. and with no one around you are still at ease.. you can hear the world outside, but you are just, happy, because they do not know you are in there..

one thing you can possibly think of someone able to do in that room is hang oneself to death, but there was no rope..

it was all thinking and laughing..

every night falls the darkness, and one night you heard a coin clinks behind you.. it just appeared out of nowhere..

ever since then it was your favorite game ever.. every night when the dark falls, you throw the coin afar, and look for it in this game of darkness.. sometimes it is days, months, years, until you finally found it.. one day it was stuck on the bottom corner beneath the sink and you laughed your guts out..

it was a day, during the 15 minutes of sunlight, when you think you heard wrong.. it's like a whisper, if you like, that faded on exactly 20 cm away behind the back of your head on the midline..

the volume rises over the days, until one day it became very clear, and you had your first discussion..

not much of a story to tell, basically the voice always says exactly the opposite of what you say, hence the start of the discussion.. oh, the voice never comes during the sunlight period..

sometimes the voice found your coin during the coin game.. it is so good at it..

you can't wait for tomorrow to come and have your fair 15-minutes share of sunshine warmth on your feet..

maybe one day the world outside will stop its noise..

the unlimited loop of happiness..

goodbye..

i miss melbourne..

so much
so much that i can't even bear the thought of tomorrow
i just want to close my eyes and imagine myself standing on the exact same platform on the photo, feeling the cool breeze of the air..
and when the train comes i can sit and sleep till i reach my destination
i can feel myself there
i can manipulate my senses to tell me that i'm there
it's just so vivid, the memories
suddenly all my memories about the train station and the train flashes one by one..

funny thing is, i find it difficult to be true

that i had to ask myself "did it really happen?"
coz it feels as if someone planted it in my memories
and that's just cruel..

that day we waited on the train station from the hawthorn festival
then the one in creepy toorak
of course, the goodbyes if i have to go home to clayton from south yarra/flinders st
the good ol' windy southern cross
i can still picture myself walking towards the huge stairs down heading to ur apartment from southern cross
the train station memories just..
represent my sadness, i guess..
because it is the thing that i miss the most, the train station
times when i could just sit and think about many things
and wait for the door to open to bring in the chilly wind
and awaits the always-good room heater

then u can sleep with no worries

wake with no worries..

life through a plastic lens..

takes you to the sky couple of years back, does it not?

bifurcation

where to go? what to do? which to choose?

end artery

wanting is what one should not feel, or want..

why? because simultaneously in every part of this insufferable world, human wants..

so why can't one think for one darn second, that it is impossible to get what one wants, when it is possible that others are wanting the exact same thing?

what's worse is telling someone what YOU want them to do.. not enough that it is wanting, the subject is another person, forcryingoutloud..


just like vessels in the kidney, I've reached the end artery.. from this point on everything's vague.. maybe my blood will turn into water.. maybe people acting as the immune system will mistakenly look at me as their enemy, and tell me that I do not belong here, stop where I am..

after all.. what I'm writing to you is also what I want..

maybe I shall not want..

I shall not be in want..

and we shall hope..

we can still dream right?

i'd rather think of it as a future than to a dream..

we just got our taste of the future

i don't mind if my future's like that..

simple, just the both of us..

i don't need cars

as long as i have my metcards

i don't need big house, as long as i get to sit and do my work with you around

let it be nando's employee

as long as the only person i have to listen to is you

as long as there's no motorcyclists to irritate me

as long as people wait for pedestrians to cross

as long as people care what i feel..

as long as coles is 5 m away

as long as we can eat 3 times a day

dumplings every now and then on weekends

hell, i won't care about tomorrow

cause i'd know i've enjoyed today..